Thursday, 16 October 2008

sometimes I laugh...

And not in a "boy, that was hilarious" kind of way.

My daughter has high-functioning autism, it's a manageable condition (couldn't think of a better word here - sorry). Sometimes her behaviour sucks! (no other word for it!). Sometimes she has been known to bite other people or scream obscenities at them. They usually freak out, I mean who wouldn't, having a "mad" 10 year old attacking them? I understand why they freak out, I kinda freak out myself. I wonder what on earth I could do to stop the behaviour.

Afterwards, I laugh. Maybe a little manically, but it's better than the alternative. I could cry, yell, lose control. I guess I do kind of lose control, because I laugh, and I say "welcome to the family". This is our life, and she only seems to "lose it" with people she loves and accepts. Crazy, I know.

If I am honest, I am tired of living with this faulty time bomb. You see, that is what it's like living with someone who has high-functioning autism. You just never know when it's gonna go off, and I can hear it ticking away.

Life could be harder, I know it is for other families. They have far worse disabilities to contend with. The child who doesn't communicate. The child still in nappies (diapers for you Americans out there!). The child in a wheelchair. The child who is blind or deaf. I know you're out there, contending with greater fears and anxiety than my own. I do feel for you. It's just, this is my life, my struggle...

Sorry for the spew... Sometimes you just gotta get it out!


3 comments: said...

We all need to vent! God Bless you and your family! I can't begin to imange what it would be like to have a child with autism. My Barbie is 8 now my 4th child , #7 of his mine and ours. She is healthy and im very lucky. I think the saying God will not give you more than you can handle is true. So feel blessed(I know easy for me to say) You must be a very stong lady!!! And she is a lucky girl and blessed to have such a wonderful mommy! My heart and prayers are with you! And yes life can always be harder but we all pray it dosen't get harder! For you I pray for understanding, love, your health (you will need that too) and knowing God is there just a prayer away! Huggs Marion

sewfunky said...

Thanks Marion. :)

BigCat said...

Good on you for saying it how it is and not pretending to be perfect. Someone out there is probably reading this and feeling like they have found a lifeline. Honesty is so refreshing.

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